Dangennari.com – Writings on Cancer, Travel and Life

The first day I was diagnosed with a later stage Hodgkins Lymphoma, I had many terrifying thoughts.  I envisioned my son someday asking my wife what his Daddy was like, and likewise I could see her face as she tried to think of how to answer that question.  Fortunately, it did not take long for me to decide that I would be a survivor and I never looked back.  I never again thought about the possibility of cancer taking my life away.  However, in the weeks and months that followed, and as the reality of a chemotherapy regimen set in, I did start to have fears again about what body I would have left when the treatments ended.

In April 2009, I could not climb the stairs to my bedroom without becoming completely winded and in May I frequently found myself feeling lightheaded and dizzy for no reason at all, other than the chemo.  And throughout the summer, fatique was my constant adversary.  In the days following a chemo treatment I could not concentrate and even found it difficult to stay awake sometimes.  I usually received an injection of a drug called Neupogen every week, sometimes twice per week, that caused my bones to ache, especially on the back of my arm, my thigh and my jaw.  One of the chemo drugs I received 16 times, called Bleomycin is frequently documented to cause permanent damage to lung capacity and pulmonary performance.  And another chemo drug called Vinblastine made my fingers and toes go numb.  At one point, almost my entire right hand was staying numb for hours at a time.

I was very worried about my abilities to live a normal and active lifestyle following cancer, and had very few examples or role models to inspire hope in my physical future.  However, as the months ticked by following the end of my chemotherapy treatment, I was feeling stronger and stronger.  I managed a ski trip over the winter in which I hiked from the top of a chairlift, approximately half a mile to an elevation of just under 13,000 feet…in ski boots.  Before skiing down, I took a long pause at the top of that mountain to drink in the reality of where I was and how far I had come to get there.  Around that time, my wife Angela suggested that I enter an Adventure Race which combines mountain biking, canoeing, rapelling, trail running and orienteering.  I liked the idea and as I discussed it with friends and researched options, one friend suggested we enter a long endurance mountain bike race instead.

In the few weeks following that discussion as we were researching the mountain bike race, I happened to attend an information meeting about the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Team in Training program.  Under this program, participants commit to participating in an endurance contest like a marathon, triathlon or century ride, and they commit to generating a minimum level of fundraising for the organization.  In exchange, they get professional coaching, mentoring and training to ensure they are ready to meet their goals on race day.

I have frequently criticized the spending of large medical charities in the past, but even though I don’t agree with all of their spending and budgeting, and feel that there is a marked absence of “cures”, I am aware that the research that is made possible by these charities has led to advancements in survivability, improvement in treatments and better care and understanding of patients and survivors.  I am further aware that I was quickly able to stop worrying about my little boy not remembering what I was like because of these advancements.  That may have not been possible were I born 15 – 20 years earlier.

And I also thought about how worried I was only a few months before that I might not be able to live a physical and active life after treatment.  And sitting there at the information meeting, I was so relieved and humbled by the fact that in my mind I had already committed to a 50 mile mountain bike ride, I knew I also had to do the 100 mile cycle ride.  I want to complete these rides and prove to other young adults in cancer treatment, and those who unfortunately don’t even know yet that they will soon be in cancer treatment, that they cannot give up and cannot doubt their own power.

When I was in treatment, I heard people say things like, “I don’t know how you do it,” and “I don’t think I could handle it the way you are.”  I probably would have said similar things if I had met a 31 year old father of a young child in cancer treatment, but the truth is, you find the strength because you have no other choice.  You get up and live every day.

My fundraising goal for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society is $1,800.  In addition to my fundraising goal, it is important to point out that although I have committed to a 100 mile road bike race in September, I have never actually ridden a road cycle (as of this writing on April 27, 2010).  I have always enjoyed mountain biking and admired road biking as a sport I thought I would enjoy, but I have not done it.  So, in addition to my fundraising for LLS, I am also maintaining my own personal fundraising campaign to help pay for some of the supplies and equipment I will need for training and for the race.  All of those details are on the fundraising page.

I promise to post frequent updates on my training and fundraising, and invite everyone to come to a big party we will hold in September to celebrate the successful completion of both events.